dilemma

this is not a joke... a right decision should be made but im not ready at all. should i do what i always did? escaping and be a devil?

momento.

Within this year

 Many weird things happened.

Many unexplainable things happened.

Many worrisome things happened.

This feeling is weird.

and just the thought of these, I tremble.

and always this heart, racing fast, for no reason

and always there is an excitement, but i do not know what

and sometimes the hands are trembling, for no purpose

and sometimes the tears was there, at the slightest conscious I have.

saya tahu saya merapu...lol

i guess i'm too stupid to reject those people with good prospect...punya susah mo cari suami doctorate dlm dunia ni.... sy peduli apa..,, lantak la.... bgs lg dpt suami org korea...wuu~ (perasan kejap)

sy rasa sy mmg stupid to reject a very handsome guy. an english man, an engineer. walaupun matanya bukan biru tetapi hitam, mmg handsome la orgnya... mmg orgnya kaya... another good prospect.. mana nak cari suami gini...rare item kot....   rasa2nya kalau betul2 kawen, anak pun muka caucasian. again.... another good prospect.. jd apa la?
im just an ordinary woman, not a beauty, im not a match for you prince charming. so, stop dreaming.

dan sekali lg sy rasa stupid, idiot when i made mistake falling in love with my first love. stupid la kot. i dont know. :) kalau kita sama agama, mungkin hr ni hubungan kita masih kekal kot. if i marry him, i will not worry about my health.... cukup ubat seumur hidup kali ni tau...haha.... but my 1st priority is my family, and it will always be... sebab family juga la im on my way to be a teacher skrg ni.... sedih juga la cita2 jd road not taken.

pendek cerita, bgs cari suami orang korea... boleh slalu pegi korea... boleh makan mknn korea, dpt tgk cita korea hr2 ma... hoho.... (skali lg sy perasan di sini, haha)

and why im telling this? entah la... mungkin sbb sy rasa everything that i said is only recollection of my past. tak kurang dan tak lebih. im moving forward. cukuplah sy bertawar hati slama ni... bgs kasi bgs skill mmsk dulu... siang ikan pun blm pandai lg wor... kalau potong ayam tu boleh la. kuih2 dont worry la... in progress...haha... mesti happy my future mother in law ni kan? XD  pelan2 la k mummy? ngee~

see ya next holiday. :)

perfect two song

perfect song.... surely this is one of the song that i will choose for my wedding day.... :)

it is about you, you, you, and you

the one who is willing to juggle own life for me, but i rejected you out of my life
the one who is willing to sacrifice anything for me, but i rejected you out of my life
the one who is willing to give anything for me, but i rejected you out of my life
the one who is willing to give utmost love for me, but i rejected you out of my life
i keep rejecting, and rejecting
i don't know what kind of person that my heart willing to accept
and i keep searching.and searching

for all the troubles that i have caused
for all the pains that i have caused
for all the heartbreaks that i have caused
for all the miserable life that i have caused
i only can say sorry from the deepest part of my heart.

30 may

kali pertama jumpa.... kalau sudah jodoh, takkan ke mana... :) bawa bertenang hadirin sekalian..wuhuu~ >.<
-Gawai Mode-

it doesnt matter or does it?

Your heart must be broken. I must have shattered your heart into pieces. Alright, good bye. I'm not going to care anymore. I'm cruel, ok, fine.