How to live when there is no soul
How to cry when there is no feeling
How to talk when there is no thought
I stop writing on the piece of paper and rolled it before putting it into the fire. June is approaching and I'm going to face new life. How sad that I am going to leave the place..There are too much souls I keep in my heart. I could not bear to be hurt and hurting them, leaving them far away....
***
I spent a week of holiday with my family. Not much to be said.. A small celebration, a big preparations. The day finally come. I am going off to the outside world. June had been in my mind. June of 26th.
***
I heard him coughing. It has been 3 months. But today, he seems weak. Midnight, I heard someone rushing into the toilet. I went out from my room and saw him coughing terribly, blood rushing through from his nose and mouth. The toilet was full of blood. He was immediately sent to the hospital. The doctor said there is not much time left. But still, I saw how happy he was.
***
I received a call from my sister. "Hey, he's asking for the keropok that you always eat. Can you tell me dear?" Suddenly, my heart sank. The request touch deep into the innermost of my heart. He remembers me in those most critical moments. Opposite, I said "Hey, ask him to concentrate with the medication given... Junk food is not good." Once the phone call ended I sent an SMS telling the keropok brands. Later, my sister call again she bought some keropok but there is none of the keropok brands that I mentioned. My sister lied a little bit telling that those keropok are the ones I always eat and...and... and he smiled brightly. How happy he was on that time.
***
It was a beautiful day. He looks happy when I left him for school. Suddenly, I received a call asking me to go back. I rushed and I managed to see him. Tears are falling from his eyes while he's struggling to breathe. He managed to smile to us to the final moments. The moment he leaves, my heart stopped for a moment but tears are not there to come. I walked slowly to downstairs and went to the back of the house. There, I cried in silence. I lost someone I love.
***
I closed the diary. It is time to go. Thinking, so many years passed, but you never leave my heart. You are living and you are never forgotten. May your soul rest in peace. Amen.
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